Excuse Me Sir, I Want to Know Why

Sebuah kenangan masam manis semasa mengajar Bahasa Inggeris.


Beberapa tahun yang lalu, saya dapat kerja sebagai guru sambilan di sebuah pusat Bahasa Inggeris Antarabangsa di Pulau Pinang. Saya sangatlah teruja dengan tawaran tersebut. Di Pusat Bahasa tersebut, murid-murid dicampur dari pelbagai peringkat umur mengikut tahap Bahasa Inggeris mereka. Jadi dalam satu kelas ada yang berumur 9 tahun hingga 20 tahun.

Dalam kelas saya ada seorang budak berumur 9 tahun yang sering mengganggu kelas dengan soalan-soalan yang tiada kena mengena dengan pembelajaran. Saya bersabar kerana dia hanyalah seorang kanak-kanak yang hiperaktif barangkali.Setelah berpuluh soalan yang ditanya akhirnya tibalah saat kesabaran saya hilang akibat soalan ini; "Excuse me Sir, I want to know why boys have bird and girl don't have any bird?". Itulah titik akhir kesabaran saya dan titik mula saya mengusir dia keluar dari kelas, sepertimana yang dilakukan oleh guru-guru saya dahulu kepada murid yang mengganggu kelas.

Akhirnya tindakan saya membuahkan hasil. Kelas tidak lagi diganggu dan berjalan lancar. Yang sedihnya pula, itulah hari terakhir saya mengajar di situ. Saya diberhentikan kerja kerana mengusir murid keluar kelas. Saya terlupa sesuatu, "customer always right".

Lesson Learnt:

1. Menjadi guru kepada anak-anak kecil memerlukan kesabaran yang tinggi.
2. Salut kepada semua guru yang penyabar dalam mendidik anak-anak bangsa.
3. Customer always right, no matter how wrong they are.
4. Saya memang tidak sesuai mengajar budak-budak sekolah rendah, biarlah saya mengajar orang dewasa sahaja.
5. WTH with the bird?

by: Sanusi Din
12/09/2010

Kisah Tentang Pet Kesayangan

Gambar hiasan. Ni kucing orang lain.

Hari ni anak kucing pet aesya mati kena langgar kereta.
Sian kat kucing dan kat aesya.
Punyala sedih sampai nangis.
Kucing tu comel warna hitam, nama Kiki.
Kaki dia warna putih.
Nampak macam pakai stokin.
Cute sangat.

Dulu pet kucing aku pun warna hitam, nama Jamaludin.
Bila dia mati aku nangis jugak.
Sebab dia aku punya pet kesayangan.
Lagi satu pet aku seekor kambing, nama Awang.
Masa kecik dia kamceng dengan aku.
Bila dah besar dia jadi kasanova dan selalu tak lekat kat rumah.
Aku tak suka kat dia sebab dia suka melilau.
Sian kat aku. hu hu. takdak kawan.

Senyuman ni dah hilang selepas selepas kematian Kiki.

Diari tentang kisah kucing yang mati.

Kenapa Aku Suka Bahagian Hujung Roti yang Hangit tu?

Gambar Hiasan, kulit roti Gardenia, bahagian hujung yang nipis dan hangit yang aku suka.

Pernah rasa apa yang aku rasa?
Rasa kebulur, sangat lapar, orang Perak cakap buruk lantak.
Masa tinggal kat hostel dululah.
Macam biasa hari-hari makan kat DM bukannya sedap sangat.
Maklumlah bayar singgit makan 4, 5 kali!! (What do you expect?)
Hari Jumaat paling sedih sebab makan ikan jaket.
Punyalah besar ikan tu, nak makan pun takut.
Rasanya simple, tiada rasa!!

Bila malam, habis prep kena tidur jam 11.00 malam.
Lampu semua kena off.
Lepas lampu off, perut punya keroncong pun on.
Adehhh!! laparnya.
Maggi habis, biskut pun habis.
Nak buat camana ni?
Kedengaran bunyi keroncong semakin bertambah.
Maknanya bukan aku sorang yang lapar, ada lagi member-member yang lapar ni.

Aku sebagai pemimpin yang prihatin, mengatur rancangan untuk mencari makanan.
Setelah dibincang kata sepakat dicapai.
Sorang athlete akan dipilih untk lompat pagar dan lari 500 meter pergi dan balik bawa roti dan kaya.
(Bukan roti Gardenia tapi roti mamak yang murah dan ringan sangat-aku tak ingat brand)
Habis collect duit, Lan, pelari pilihan pun menjalankan tanggungjawabnya.
Dia pergi dan selamat pulang sebelum warden buat rondaan.
Kalau kantoi, macam biasa, dia sorang saja yang kena.
Kami dah buat agreement, siapa kantoi dia tak akan pecah rahsia.
Itulah yang aku respect kat bebudak hostel ni.
Kami punya team spirit dan brotherhood yang paling kuat pernah aku rasa.

Lepas roti dah sampai, aku pun sapu kaya dan bagi sorang 2 keping.
Semuanya makan dengan lahap.
Siannya aku tengok, rasa macam pelarian Somalia.
Bila dah habis semua dapat, tinggallah kat aku part yang last tu.
Dah lah hangit,nipis pulak tu.
Nak buat camana, aku tak sanggup tengok roommate aku kebulur.
Selalunya aku akan makan part yang last tu.
Lama kelamaan aku jadi terbiasa dan suka pulak.
Sebab tu arr sampai sekarang aku suka makan part hangit tu.
Setiap kali aku makan, aku teringat kisah kat hostel.
Di situlah aku mula belajar basic management, kepimpinan, planning, organizing dan controlling.

Story About the Coolest Ambulance Driver on Earth.

OMG it has been years since my last post.

Been so buzy lately, "taihen des ne!"

I have not brought work to home for many years but now, I did.

Wa lau wei... why am I so workaholic nowadays?

Those are excuses for not posting..hahaha!

Well, to tell the truth, I am not myself lately, I am so hardworking, serious looking, skip lunch etc.

All this, plus all the positive things, make me an alien to myself. 

I am losing my very own self.

Why?

Atama ittai!!

WTH lah.. I am not going to loose myself again..

Now, I am going to post something my kind and my type.

This true "sengal" but funny story.

It happened on 14 July 1993, I remember well because it's my daughter's birthday.

She is my second child.

Wah, 17 years ago lah.. (so fast ahh!!)

She is going to sit for SPM this year.

Back to the story,

That day, my wife felt a pre-delivery pain etc.

It was not due date yet, I thought my baby wanted to get out early to see the world.

So, back then I only have "kapcai", so my brother in-law called an ambulance.

It took around 30 minutes for the ambulance to reach Ayer Itam from General Hospital, Penang.

I followed together in the ambulance.

As we reached Jalan Scotland, my wife felt the baby was so near and told the nurse about her condition.

The nurse told her to hold her breath.

I guess she didn't want her to deliver in the ambulance.

I wonder, if my baby was delivered there, what will be her place of birth in the birth certificate?

Imagine Scotland Road, he he he..nice.

In  emergency situation, the ambulance normally speed-up and on the ninoninonino sound but the ambulance went on so smoothly and quietly like nobody business while the baby was nearly delivered.

I was puzzled and a bit panic, when the ambulance stopped at traffic light.

I asked the nurse why an ambulance need to follow traffic rules during emergency.

She kept quiet. 

Finally we reached Maternity Hospital in Jalan Residensi.

As I registering, the nurse brought my wife straight to labor room.

Just within minutes she delivered a cute baby.

Fuhhh..! Finally all the agony and anger to the ambulance driver disappeared.

There you go!

For the record, that man was the coolest ambulance driver in the world.

If only they hired ex mat rempit or formula one driver for driving ambulance.

Morale of the story:

Don't hire "mat bendul + skema" as ambulance driver.

My daughter who nearly born in Scotland Road, Penang on the way to Maternity Hospital, Atikah Liyana Dhabitah in green shirt.

Cerita Cili Padi @ Cabai Melaka

Cili padi, orang utara panggil cabai melaka, pedas tapi sedap.

Aku suka cili padi.

Buat air asam, makan dengan daging rebus atau ikan bakar.

Makan dengan laksa, perghh..bestnya.

Potong nipis-nipis campur dengan kicap cair, makan dengan kway teow t'hng...pak mentua lalu pun tak nampak.

Abang aku lagi daring, dia makan cili padi mentah-mentah buat ulam.

Cili padi memang best, tapi kalau silap haribulan boleh ternganga kepedasan.

Masakan Thai paling banyak menggunakan cili padi.

Salah satu masakan Thai yang guna banyak cili pad ialah "Thai Green Curry"

Biasa makan ke?

Selalunya orang masak kari hijau Thai ni dengan ayam.

Dulu masa aku kerja kat hotel, ada jugak makanan ni.

Mat saleh memang terkenal dengan sikap ingin tahu yang kuat.

Orang cakap, "curiosity kills the cat".

Bila nak order makanan, depa akan tanya macam-macam.

Kami pun terangkanlah serba sedikit tentang makanan.

Satu hari tu, ada satu couple omputeh dari mana ntah, minta aku rekemen makanan.

Aku pun rekemenlah "Thai Green Curry" yang sedap tu.

Siap promo lagi, "it's my very own favorite dish"

Si isteri yang minta, si suami makan benda lain.

Bila makanan sampai, depa pun terus makan.

Tiba-tiba si isteri menjerit-jerit dengan kuat sambil menangis.

Aku pun pergi ke meja depa untuk check kenapa dia nangis.

Si suami cakap isterinya makan "green bean" yang sangat pedas.

"She ate spicy green beans, please help, please help". Si suami meminta tolong dalam keadaan panik.

Aku dapati dia makan cabai melaka mentah yang dibuat hiasan ("garnishing").

Aku pun terus mengambil "ice cube" dan suruh dia mamam.

Tapi lepas ais semua habis, dia masih kepedasan.

Aku pun teringat masa kecik-kecik dulu arwah mak aku selalu letak gula atas lidah aku jika aku tergigit cabai.

Aku terus suruh dia jelirkan lidah dan letak gula.

Lepas tu, dia beransur pulih dan berhenti menangis.

Suami dia siap ucap jutaan terima kasih kat aku kerana tolong isteri dia.

Nasib baik aku ada fast remedy untuk minah saleh tu.

Kalau tak, tak taulah sampai bila dia nak nangis.

Lepas tu aku cakap kat chef, jangan la letak cabai melaka buat garnishing.

Ramai omputeh yang tak tau beza antara cabai dengan french beans.

Lesson Learnt:

1.Curiosity kills the cat.

2.No rushing, jangan gelojoh, check dulu, confirm apa yang nak dimakan.

3.Jangan over confident, bahaya tau.

Boss yang Syok Sendiri

Haipp, tidur ekk!! Menyamar macam fokus konon.

Lamanya tak post.

Sebenarnya ada banyak bahan baru, tapi masa yang kureng.

Broadband pun sengal macam chipsmore, sekejap ada sekejap tak ada.

Nak blogwalking pun susah, lepas kul 12.00 malam baru ok sikit.

Alamatnya, pagi-pagi aku tidur dalam meeting.

Tidur dalam meeting, bukan aku sorang, ramai yang tidur.

Ada senior manager orang jepun pun selalu tidur.

Aku tanya dia kenapa dia selalu tidur.

Dengan slamber dia jawab, "E-go wakaranai"

Sempoi gila jawapannya, "Saya tidak faham Bahasa Inggeris"

Nasib baik dia tak jawab, "Maggi saya sudah kembang"

Bukannya kami sengaja nak tidur tapi ada sebab yang tak dapat dielakkan.

Chairman syok sendiri.

Inilah masalahnya bila orang yang tak berilmu diberi kepimpinan.

Sepatutnya top management hanya fokus kepada isu-isu besar, membuat polisi, pelan jangka panjang dan perkara-perkara conceptual.

Dia ni gila babas, semua hal-hal remeh temeh semua nak bawa masuk meeting.

Akibatnya, meeting 1 jam dragged sampai 3 jam.

Boleh buat kerja lain yang lebih berfaedah dari membuang masa 3 jam.

Rugi betui la pagi-pagi buang masa, hilang momentum.

Sengal tul la, naik tension kami semua.

Dahlah cakap benda-benda tak berfaedah, (non-value added) lepas tu perasan, bajet best ar tu.

Lemas perut aku.

Kesimpulannya di sini, tujuan meeting telah tersasar akibat big boss yang syok sendiri.

Aku berjanji (dalam hati) bila aku jadi big boss nanti, aku takkan buat semua ni.

Korang pun, kalau jadi big boss, jangan syok sendiri tau.

Buat susah orang, hampeh.

Nak sound lebih-lebih takut gaji tak naik, adehhh! 

This is What I call True Feeling

This is what I called true feeling.
A 9 years old girl (classmate) sent this note to my daughter Aesya Lutfiah Dhabitah.
Have a look.

"You are my true friend! But you tend to make boys, crazy about you".

I don't know what to say.
Maybe this is joke of the year.

Pakej Pertolongan Cemas

Dah lama tak post dalam bahasa melayu rojak.
Bukan terer sangat pon omputeh, saja jer nak improve penulisan bahasa Inggeris.
Tu dia, tajuk post aku kali ni ialah Pakej Pertolongan Cemas.
Ambik kau!!

Kisah benar ni, berlaku kepada anak sulung aku.
Kesian mamat tu.
Dia berumur 19 tahun tapi dah kerja (sebab sekolah tak nakkan dia, bukan dia tak nak sekolah).
Dia kerja di sebuah hotel yang agak banyak bintangnya di Pulau Pinang.

Pada malam Chinese New Year yang lepas, dia buat Overtime dan balik dalam pukul 4 pagi.
Dia pakai kapcai buruk aku la.
Yang baru bapak dia pakai. hahaha.
Agaknya dia terlelap sekejap, motor terbabas dan terlanggar divider jalan.
Dia pun tergolek dan pengsan sebab helmet terkeluar dan kepala terhantuk ke entah apa.

Ada orang tolong tarik dia ke tepi jalan, kalau tak mungkin lebih bahaya.
Orang tu tolong panggil kawan sekerja dengan menggunakan handphone anak aku yang tengah pengsan.
Setelah yang pengsan tersedar, didapati handphone (baru beli seminggu), wallet yang berisi kad pengenalan, kad atm dan duit telah dirembat oleh orang yang menolongnya tadi.

Haa..! tu dia, perompak tu tolong semua sekali.
Inilah yang dinamakan pakej pertolongan cemas.
Siap tolong rompak sekali barang-barang orang yang kemalangan.
Hmmm..macamana nak kategorikan perompak jenis ni hah?
Perompak baik kut.

Motor lingkup, kepala kena jahit 8 jarum dan kena rompak.
Kesian kat mamat tu.
Tapi Alhamdulillah dia selamat.
Anak aku lelaki sorang jer.
Macamana pun, dia tetap satu-satunya anak lelaki aku.

Opposite Gender Sexual Harassment Victim Experience (For Men)

Normally women will face this problem.
For men, we seldom hear complaints.
Is this because of no issue or they actually like being sexually harassed.
Have you ever been harassed sexualy?
If you do, please share by commenting. (ada beran?)
As told by Wikipedia harassment can only be considered a crime if there is no concensus regarding sexual advances (moves) by both parties.

What if, at first I agreed on those sexual moves but later think otherwise?
Sexual harassment is too broad issue, sometimes too subjective.
Once I went to a training with lawyer, he said if a man eat a banana in a way that showing a sex-like act, it is consider sexual harassment.
Aiyahh!! annekuan na..see liau!!
You tell me how to eat a banana without some sort of sexual act visualisation.
The answer is, you need to cut your banana in pieces before you actually eat them!
Haa..there you go, from now onwards men, you guys need to practice this.

How women eat banana?
Now the question is what about women side?
They are eating banana same like us men did maa.
How come we never complain?
Furthermore it's visualises our "things" kan?
Men, please comment.

Once when I was younger, I have been sexually harrased.
It happened in a factory where I worked.
I worked in a all ladies production line at that time.
There were no men around except me and myself alone.
Jeng jeng jeng!!

Suddenly the power went off.
No Electricity, black out.
Then, I felt a soft hands grabbing me from my back.
(You know la what she grabbed, no need explain in detail)
I was shocked and paralyzed for few minutes.
When the electrical power resume, I saw around 20 girls there.
I don't know which one harassed me. (I would like to know)
I also didn't ask.
How to ask?
Report?
Do you think HR manager will belief me?

Guys it's your turn to tell your side of story.

Marrying An Engineer (True Story)

The Engineer and The Frog by Si Nelayan
This story pop up after I read the above story.
Don't try this at home. (Just for sharing fun story)

Sometime we have to tell white lies.

Sometimes things are not better in their true form.
Sometimes, in order to reduce damage, we had to tell lies.
Have you got this kind of experience?


Let me tell about my friend’s story.
This is true story happened in early 90’s.
Jamal (not real name) was the ever charming and chubby guy.
Jamal met a girl, Nita (not real name also).
I didn’t asked how they met, but surely not through facebook!
She was a medic student.
Jamal was madly in love with this girl.
So did the girl.


Nita came from well to do family.
Jamal was a normal guy working in Gambling Arcade in an Elite Golf Course in Selangor.
So, you see where I am coming from?
It was not easy for Jamal to actually win Nita’s family.
It’s going to be like typical Hindi or Malay movie.
Jamal had to do something to salvage his love.


Jamal was a very good strategist, even he studied until form 5 only.
How he outsmart the rest of people make me salute him.
His strategy was so daring, others would fear to even think of it.
So, one day they went out for the first date.
Nita asked him about his job.
Jamal said he was in his final year doing some engineering degree in a local university.
There you go, future engineer, not bad at all for a future doctor to be.


It went on until Nita graduated and they got married.
Nobody knew that he wasn’t an engineer.
Nita got posting in Penang and he followed and worked in the same hotel with me.
Nita had no clue that Jamal was actually working in a hotel.
She thought her husband was working in a factory somewhere in Bayan Lepas.


During working as a waiter in coffee house, he was on habitual sick leave.
So, I checked out of curiosity, where he bought the MCs.
Later he told me that his wife was a GP at government hospital.
Wahh! Interesting, how on earth that this ordinary guy could marry a doctor?
Then, the above story came out.


He was “kantoi” big time after Nita pregnant (first baby), what to do?
I asked him how he got away with the engineering bluff for so long.
He told me that he actually studied basic engineering terms on his own.
The last time I met him, he was an Inbound Tour Manager with big tour company.
I wonder, how slumber he was during job interview!


Lesson Learnt:
1. Nak tipu pon, do it in style. Ilmu mesti penuh di dada.
2. Si Nelayan, check betoi2, adakah your future husband really an engineer.
3. Kalau tipu berdosa, nanti kat akhirat jawab sendiri.

My Unforgettable 1st Time

Almost everyone has their own story, it's a matter of whether or not they want to share it with others. (apa jenis English ni?)
Mine were either funny or cool, I won't share sad story here.
Sad story can be shared at: Catatan Seni Ibnu Din Assingkiri (Cehh.. promote nampak!)
My aim here is for light reading, no heavy thinking involved.


My first time crush for a woman - 1983 (form 1)
She was my English teacher.
Those days teachers were allowed to wear mini skirt and low cut blouse. (fuhh sweating!)
She was drop dead sexy.


My 1st wet dream - 1983 (form 1)
This content was censored by FINAS.


My 1st pair of Nike shoes - 1985 (form 3)
It was a pair of running shoes I bought with my hard earned money from soft shell crab fishing.
It was rare to see nike shoes in my village at that time.
Damn proud (and show off).


My 1st stage performance in public -1985 (form 3)
School talentime.
Lost to a Hindi song singer.
So mainstream!
Mine was English song.


My first love - 1986 (form 4)
When I saw my wife for the 1st time crossing school's soccer field to the Electronic Workshop.
Kuch-kuch hota hei!!


My first Hand phone -1996
Motorola 1500 flip phone.
Ala walkie talkie size.
So huge and thick it could cause safety hazard.


My first nuffnang pay - 2010 (????)

My Job Interview Experience

In 1996, I went for a job interview in one of the Giant Pharmaceutical MNC in Penang.
I was a Supervisor with US Based Hard Disk Drive company in Perai, Mainland.
At that time, I stayed in the Island and I was thinking to work back in the Island Side.
Travelling across the bridge daily make me feel tired. (Was it a reason or excuse?)
That interview was for higher level post, Senior Supervisor.

This is my "sengalest" + WTH experience.
But starting from this point, I promised to myself to become good interviewer one day.
On my 1st interview, there was HR guys asking general filtering questions.
That was easy to answer, par de problemme, mondai nai.

So, they scheduled me for second interview in the same week.
I took leave for second day in the same week for my second interview.
The 2nd interview went haywire from the beginning.
I waited for 1.5 hour for the interviewer to arrive.
I was so 'bengang' but in control.
This is Malaysian Culture, which I cannot  tolerate.

They started with the normal question and it went on until this question;
Q: Can you read technical drawing?
A: Yes, I do.

Q: Really?
A: Yes.

Q: I don't believe you. You don't have engineering background. In our place supervisor must have engineering background and must read drawings. Can you proof that to me.
A: I went to technical secondary school and than switched to Management in College. It stated there in my resume. Have you seen it?

At that time his face turned red. His partner, point at my resume and they were whispering.
Starting at this point, he started to become sarcastic. (as expected)
I was quite cool in handling difficulty, I wonder where my patient came from.
His partner was trying to make him stop but failed.

The last question was:
Q: Why are you asking for salary so high, this is way beyond our maximum range for this post?
A: (I was so mad, I cannot maintained my coolness anymore. This guy should be taught a lesson of a lifetime)
I went on like this;
 "WTH are you trying to proof here. You called me for 2nd interview without checking how much I asked for salary. You are telling me that maximum range is lower than my earning now. I wasted my BF leave for this nonsense".

I screwed him left and right.
I told him to reconsider going for job interview training because he was not even qualified to interview.
He was so mad at me but cannot even had a chance to speak because I kept on speaking in higher and higher tone and he was on the losing side due to his own carelessness.
Lastly, I thanked his partner and went home.
I felt so satisfied.
All inside my head poured out to that low level interviewer's faced.

Lesson Learnt:
1. Check your data thoroughly before you say something. Be prepared.
2. Its better to keep quiet, than talking nonsense and get yelled for it.
3. Assumption is the mother of all screw-up, even for an interviewer.
3. Do not screw interviewer like I did. (I couldn't help it anymore)

Banana Story

Some people say, when you eat a lot of banana, no mosquito will bite you.
No wonder, monkeys can live in the jungle without mosquito disturbance.
One more thing, I think you guys know already, only female mosquito sucks blood.
No wonderlah it always 'ngee ngee ngee' around our ears. (blogger kak teh will shoot me later, hahaha)

Back to banana story....
Since my kiddo time, I always love to eat banana.
I can eat as much as 'korengge' eats at one time.
Meaning 1 or 2 kilos per consumption.
Back then, banana is grown in the backyard.
So I can eat as much as I can.
Now, pisang emas could easily cost up to RM 7.00 per kilogram.
Wow, thats make hell of a different.
So, I must cut down my banana consumption.

People say, marriage made in heaven and its true.
My wife also love to eat banana.
And as you guys expected, our kids love banana.
Other than raw form, I like to eat banana pancake (tempek) and Jemput-jemput (cekodok)

My unforgettable banana experience when I was 7 years old.
My mother woke up early in the morning and cooked cekodok for us.
She divided 8 pieces each for 7 of us, then she went rubber tapping and return home at noon.
Because I like it too much, my devil inside me insisted to tap 1 each plate so that I have an extra 6 pieces.
I have done that many times and never get caught. (it pays when you wake up early!)

One fine day, my big brother complaint to my mother that 7 pieces of cekodok was no longer sufficient for him. (He was eating so much, I guess he reached his puberty at that time)
My mother suspected my other big brother and scolded him.
He denied the accusation.
My mother purposely cook cekodok the next morning.
So my mum ask my sister to 'skodeng' and finally catch the culprit, me and myelf only.
Lastly, the least suspected one is the youngest kid who 'curi makan' more than the others.
I became 'hantu cekodok' since then.

I was a suspect terrorist and drugs dealer

Once upon a time, quite a long time ago, I was held by Immigration Department in Chicago, O'hare and Narita, Tokyo Airport.
In Chicago, I was a terrorist suspect and in Narita for illegal drugs possession.
You have no idea how its felt being kept for 3 hours interrogated at Chicago Airport before finally got release.
I was not scared but hungry...
At that time I have no beard on my face.
I was a clean cut cute boy. (Ahaks)
Neither did Bin Laden name came across in terrorism world.
(My middle and last name sounded like bin Laden... mine is bin Din.)
Whatever the reason was, it wasn't a pleasant things at all.
After 3 hours of hunger, I have been released.
In Narita, I was inspected thoroughly.
I was wearing my cowboy boots and big buckles.
I got my boots inspected and my belt buckle was unscrewed.
Finally, they released me after a complete body search.
It was so cold at that time even in summer time (if you know what I mean lah)
At that time I was so skinny, I weighted 47kg only.
If right now, in 78kg, I would't be that cold, (I got my natural built-in blanket around my body)
Lesson that I learnt from this 2 incidents were:
1) Never wear boots and big buckle while travelling internationally,
2) Never go to the US again (because I cannot change my name maa!!),
3) Sanusi bin Din is not Sanusi bin Laden

Perkara Sengals yang Aku Pernah Buat

Dalam hidup aku selalu ikut kepala aku.
Kadang-kadang aku rasa dalam hidup kita perlu berbincang dengan orang-orang yang hampir dengan kita.
Sekurang-kurangnya ada consensus, so kalau silap pon bukan salah seorang. (pandai mengelat)
Tapi disebabkan aku jenis ketegag tahap tegar, most of the time aku ikut kepala sendiri.
Kadang-kadang aku buat perkara-perkara yang agak 'sengal'
Aku pernah kerja sebagai Security Officer Armed Escort Guard dan berhenti selepas 3 hari.
Sebabnya, semua anak buah aku ada pistol dan senapang tapi aku tak dibagi sepucuk.
Ini boleh jadi krisis kepimpinan.
Sepatutnya senjata aku lebih besar sket dari diorang punya. (ahaks)
Aku pon berhenti sebab tak puas hati.
Semasa kerja Hotel aku pernah kata kat bos aku dia kerja serupa lembu.
Bos aku memang yes man.
Apa saja bos dia suruh dia ikut.
Aku rasa kalau bos dia suruh terjun Sungai Prai pun dia terjun.
Aku kerja kat Room Service Department masa tu.
F&B manager suruh hantar kan barang-barang BBQ sampai ke hujung jetty marina.
Aku bengang atas dari ayah pin (langit) sebab dah la jauh, panas terik, berat nak mampos, troli aku tak leh pakai atas jambatan kayu dan lagi satu uniform aku tebal sangat.
Aduss.., rasa macam memakai oven ke badan.
Tapi sebagai kuli terhormat aku pergi lah jugak selepas mengucapkan kata-kata hikmah kepada bos aku.
"You always say yes, Why ya.., this is not Room Service job maa. Let the beach boys send this stuff. I think you are born cow, people can pull you anywhere you sure follow one" Lebih kurang cam tu arr bunyiknya.
Perghhh! Kejam giler.
Bila dah berumur sket aku pikir punya pikir memang tak patut aku kata macam tu.
Sampai sekarang ni (20 tahun lebih) aku dok cari dia tak jumpa lagi.., nak mintak maaf.
Lagi satu insiden kat kedai mamak nasi kandar.
Hari tu tak full house pun.
Geng mamak waiter dok asyik sembang.
Lama gak aku tunggu dalam 15 minit, tak sorang pun ambik order kat meja aku.
Aku punya kesabaran dah hilang.
Aku pun speaking la bahasa ibunda, "Dei mapheley, sikero-sikero, vanggey"
Bila dia terdengar aku punya sound yang "buat ramai" gaya hero Tamil dia pun datang segera.
Dia buat-buat kalut (biasa ar.. gempaq)
Aku tengok naik meluat sebab dari tadi dok menyembang tiba-tiba buat kalut.
Bila dia tanya order aku cakap nak jumpa bos dia (manager restoran)
Aku cakap nak komplen pasal dia dok menyembang tak nak ambil order sampai 15 minit delay.
Dia pun pucat lah (walau pun dia gelap) dan aku nampak wajah kerisauan.
Dia merayu supaya aku tak report kat manager.
Aku tetap panggil manager dan report.
Lepas tu dia kena teruk-teruk dengan manager.
Bila aku pikir balik, kesianlah kat dia, dahlah datang jauh ke negeri orang, mak bapak pun jauh di mata sekali kena marah daaa...
Ada banyak lagi kesengalan yang aku buat..
Lain kali lah aku sambung..
The point is kadang-kadang aku rasa they deserve to be taught in the hard way.
Tapi bila pikir-pikir balik...entahlah..

My Chinese New Year back home

First of all I would like to wish Happy New Year to all Chinese and 1/2 Chinese and non-Chinese who celebrate this festival.
I used to celebrate CNY with all my Chinese buddy back home.
We went from house to house collecting angpau.
There were 5 Chinese houses in my kampong.
I love Kuih bakul, kuih sepit and tarts.
Our Chinese community are small but the celebration were so happening.
They are so fluent in Malay, you cannot differentiate it on the phone.
They actually eat Malay food most of the time.
Eat with hand, 'bersila'on the floor.
The auntie were wearing batik sarong 'berkemban' and also 'mengumpat' with their neighbours.
Exactly like your own makcik.
They were so kaypoh, I got reported twice for smoking and gambling. (of course with their kids)
After we finished collecting the angpau and makan-makan, we also played mahjong, sa chap it, jimrami, ham etc.
One auntie has separate Halal kitchen for us.
I went to her house so often until her dog recognized my smell.
That was our gambling club where we trained entrepenuership.
To me color does not matter.
What matters the most is friendship.
I wish I could have the same condition now at work!!
Where color does matter.........

Pocong Asrama

Semasa tingkatan lima (1987) aku tinggal di asrama di SMV Batu Lanchang, di Pulau Pinang. Ini adalah tahun terakhir aku di asrama. Semenjak menjadi senior aku jadi sedikit gila kuasa. Aku ni multiple personality disorder sikit, akulah imam, ketua AJK asrama dan ketua 'organize crime'.

 

The Coolest Dad

Aku teringat kat Arwah bapa aku.
Dia seorang yang suka melawak dan sangat cool.
Aku suka cara dia menghadapi kehidupan.
Semuanya light and easy.
Dia baru sahaja meninggal pada 6/12/2009
Dia meninggalkan 8 anak, 30+ cucu dan 2 cicit.
Umurnya 79 tahun (kira bonus dah tu).
Bapa aku mempunyai frame body yang agak besar.
Kasut dia saiz 10.
Dia cakap moyang dia datang dari Belanda.
Betullah kot sebab abang aku semua big size macam dia.
Tapi aku pulak ikut sebelah mak aku yang kecil molek dan cun.
Kadang-kadang aku frust jugak tak jadi besar sebab aku tak boleh pinjam kasut abang-abang aku.
Bapa aku menulis tangan kanan tapi buat kerja guna tangan kiri.
Aku rasa dia mempunyai otak kiri dan otak kanan yang seimbang.
Bapa aku sekolah rendah sampai darjah 1.
Aku tanya bapa aku kenapa dia tak sambung belajar.
Dia cakap,’ Camana nak belajaq, sekolah kena bom dengan Jepun’.
Betul jugak sekolah dah kena bom camana nak study.
Lepas Jepun surrender, bapa aku sambung belajar di sekolah agama.
Orang zaman tu panggil lepasan sekolah agama sebagai ‘lebai’.
Bapa aku seorang yang suka buat lawak selamba.
Orang lain gelak sampai keras perut tapi dia maintain selamba.
Ada satu insiden aku terjatuh katil semasa tidur.
Katil antik dulu-dulu kan jenis tinggi.
Sakit jugalah punggung aku sampai lebam.
Bapa aku kerja nelayan pada masa tu.
Dia ke laut sebelah malam (Kira permanent night shift la).
Bila dia balik dari laut, akupun ceritalah tentang kejadian aku terjatuh dari katil.
Memang aku ni tukang cerita yang baik, siap dengan sound effect sekali.
Dengan selamba dia cakap, ‘Patut la tadi kat laut pak dengar bunyi “ke-de-bum” kuat sangat, ingatkan bunyi apa tadi. Rupa-rupanya chek jatuh katil noo..’
Perghh! Orang sakit dia buat lawak pulak.
Lagi satu insiden aku kena buli dengan gangster kampong.
Bila aku balik sekolah (rendah) diorang tunggu aku.
Diaorang cakap kalau nak lalu ikut jalan itu kena bayar kat diorang.
Kalau tak bayar akan kena tibai.
Aku pun naik ketaq la sebab 3 orang budak besar-besar nak tibai aku.
Aku pun cakaplah duit aku dah habis aku pakai, besok aku akan bayar.
Sesampainya aku di rumah aku pun ceritalah kepada bapa aku tentang kejadian tadi.
Bapak aku pun ajar cara-cara nak handle situation.
Dia tak bagi aku bayar walau sekupang pun.
Dia cakap kat aku kalau nak fight mesti satu lawan satu.
Kalau ada ramai nak pukul aku, dia suruh aku cabut lari.
Tapi untuk self defence dia suruh aku bawa lastik dan sediakan batu banyak-banyak.
Keesokan harinya bila bebudak tu datang kat aku aku pun tarik lastik dan aim ke kepala diaorang.
Apa lagi terus diorang cabut lari dan tak berani kacau aku lagi selepas itu.

Lesson Learnt
1. In difficult situation, use your brain not your feeling.
2. When you have ‘man’ problem, ask your dad, he will always have answers.

                             Allahyarham Hj Din bin Said

Pengalaman Aku Menyanyi

Kisah ini bermula pada penghujung tahun 1985.
Masa tu aku dalam tingkatan 3A1 SM Merbok, Kedah.
Kami baru habis Peperiksaan SRP.
Kami hanya menghabiskan masa dengan melepak dan aktiviti non-belajar .
Antara aktiviti yang kami buat ialah Talentime.
Aku suka menyanyi, sampai sekarang pun aku suka menyanyi. (Dalam bilik mandi je)
Dulu masa mengaji KAFA aku masuk nasyid sampai peringkat sekolah rendah seluruh negeri Kedah.
Aku juga pernah masuk pertandingan menghafaz Quran. (ha ha ha-ramai tak caya ni!)
Cikgu English kami Cikgu Zainol, dia cakap tone aku bagus tapi kena belajar nyanyi dengan minus one sebab tak ada band.
Masa tu aku gilakan WHAM, Air Supply, Kazar (hero Ceplos) dan Sudirman.
Nasib baik Cikgu Zainol ada koleksi minus one lagu WHAM, Kazar dan Air Supply.
Lagu Sudirman tak ada minus one.
Aku cari sampai kedai kaset kat Sungai Petani pun tak ada juga.
Frust aku, tak bolehla nak nyanyi lagu terasing.
Aku pun training dengan tekun sekali di bawah bimbingan cikgu Zainol.
Kalau aku belajar tekun macam tu kan dah jadi doktor atau lawyer.
Cikgu Zainol pun minat Wham, Kazar dan Air Supply.
Dia pun ajar aku dengan penuh dedikasi.
Dia suruh hafal lirik dan fahamkan makna barulah dapat feel.
Masa tu, aku tak berapa faham maksud dia.
Sekarang ni bila tengok AF kat Astro, barulah aku faham.
Kira Cikgu Zainol ni terer gak ar bab-bab vocal training ni.
Bila masa pertandingan tiba, aku pun nyanyi lagu Air Supply, All out of love, di 1st stage.
Aku gelabah tahap gaban lah jugak tapi aku tetap nyanyi.
Aku nyayi dengan penuh penghayatan sebab aku faham makna puisi dalam lagu tersebut.
Masa tu orang kat situ tak berapa minat lagu mat saleh.
So tak dak la sorakan yang dahsat.
Tapi mamat yang nyanyi lagu Hindustan dapat sorakan yang sungguh hebat. (fahamka?)
Masuk 2nd stage aku nyanyi lagu Kazar bertajuk Ani dengan penuh perasaan.
Ada la tekucil, picing lari sana-sini tapi disebabkan lagu melayu agaknya diaorang faham so dia orang pun sorak sakan lah.
Aku pun naik semangat , bangga dan dongga.
Pada Final Stage aku dah tak ada lagu melayu nak nyanyi sebab minus one lagu yang aku nak tak ada di pasaran masa tu.
Aku pun ambil keputusan untuk nyanyi lagu WHAM, Careless Whisper.
Ini adalah risiko yang besar kerana walaupun masa tu takde undi SMS, juri kureng minat lagu omputeh.
Kalau ada undi SMS, terang-terang aku terkeluar pada 1st stage lagi.
Bila tiba turn aku nyanyi, apa lagi aku pun lepaskanlah semua sekali.
Dengan penuh penghayatan lagu tersebut berjaya disampaikan dengan baik sekali.
Aku pun tak sangka George M boleh jadi Gay, sedangkan semua awek syok kat dia masa tu.
Dia ni mangkuk la, tak tau nak maksimakan asset.
Tapi nak buat cane inikan soal hati dan perasaan.
Aku pun lembut juga, tapi sungguhpun aku lembut tapi aku suka perempuan!!!
So, pertandingan pun tamat.
Aku dapat nombor 4, takde hadiah. (Bajet ciput)
No 1 dapat kat budak pompuan tu, memang best ar dia nyanyi lagu Rohana Jalil kalau tak salah aku.
No 2 dapat kat budak lelaki dia nyanyi lagu melayu gak.
No 3 dapat kat budak yang nyanyi lagu Hindustan tu, punyala banyak lagu Hindustan dia hafal.
Walaupun aku dapat no 4, aku tetap popular sebab nyayi lagu omputeh.
Masa tu, kat situ tak ada sorang pun bawak lagu English.
Agaknya sebab minat menyanyi lagu Englishlah aku dapat A selalu dalam English.
SPM aku dapat A1 hahaha. (Subjek lain jangan tanya arr malu nak cakap)
Tapi bila aku sekolah kat Penang dalam tahun 1987 aku dah mula minat rock dan selalu jamming ngan budak-budak rocker kat Penang.
Kami bercita-cita nak tubuhkan band rock dan buat album, bla bla bla.
Akhirnya tak jadi sebab takde bajet .
Masa aku kerja kat hotel aku mula berjinak-jinak dengan club music industry.
Aku selalu pergi nyayi kat club di Georgetown suka-suka.
Duit dapat sikit jer tapi sebab memang suka nyayi aku buat part-time kat situ.
Nyanyi kat club lagi susah sebab banyak permintaan lagu yang aku tak hafal.
Kalau mat saleh tua-tua datang club aku lagi pening sebab diorang asyik minta lagu oldies.
Tapi aku hafal banyak juga lagu oldies disebabkan permintaan pasaran.
Yang bestnya aku selalu dapat tips.
Lepas aku berhenti kerja hotel akupun stop terus kerja sebagai jantan cabaret.
Sekarang ni selain kat bilik mandi aku masih nyanyi lagi (karaoke) ngan kengkawan yang suka layan retro songs.

Maki dan carut yang dirindukan

Ini adalah kisah benar yang dialami oleh penulis. Kejadian berlaku pada tahun 1993, di Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA.Berlaku di sebuah kilang pembuat hard disk drive.Pekerja di sini terdiri daripada orang Vietnam, Myanmar , Asia Barat dan local mat salehs. 70% ialah orang Vietnam. Macam kat Hanoi dah rasanya kat sini.

Aku ke sini kerana belajar proses baru dan nanti aku kena ajar pekerja kat Penang Plant. Pada hari pertama aku di sana ada trainer aku orang Myanmar ajak aku keluar break dengannya. Oleh kerana break time pendek (tea break), dia ajak aku ke vending machine sahaja.

Dia cakap kalau makan di kantin tak sempat. Aku pun ikut sajalah. Aku memang bengong sebab itulah pertama kali aku beli makanan dari vending machine. Zaman tu belum ada lagi vending machine makanan kat sini (Pulau Pinang). Yang ada vending machine soft drink saja.

Tapi tak apa sebab mamat tu kan ada,dia boleh tolong tunjukkan cara. Tetiba saja dia cakap dia nak ke toilet. Dia suruh aku ambilkan makanan dulu, nanti dia akan ambil kemudian. Aku pun mula seriyau tapi memberanikan diri jugak.

Aku masukkan duit syiling dan pilih tuna sandwich. Lepastu aku pun tekanlah butang untuk keluarkan sandwich. Tapi sandwich aku tak mahu keluar. Aku pun naik panik jugak sebab barisan semakin panjang.
Dia orang dok gelakkan aku tapi aku tak faham bahasa Vietnam. Aku nak tanya aku segan. Lagipun Vietnam cakap omputeh bukannya boleh faham pun.

Sengal, sengal.

Aku tekan sampai merah ibu jari tapi sandwich tetap tak mau keluar. Bengang dengan keadaan, aku pun mula memaki hamun vending machine. ‘Celaka punya mesin, duit aku hang telan, sandwich tak keluaq’. Haaa tu dia dah keluar ayat sempoi.

‘WTF!@#$$%%^^&**WTF!@#$%^^&*WTF’.

Punya la banyak aku carutkan sampai aku pun tak ingat. Bila aku angkat kaki nak belah dari situ tetiba saja awek Vietnam kat belakang aku terus sound. Lebih kurang camni, ‘Adik boh duit Malaysia, cena sandwich tu nak kluaq’. Pelat Utara dia pekat sekali. Macam orang Seberang Perai bunyinya.

Hahah aku kaget. Awat pulak Vietnam ni boleh cakap melayu loghat penang kaw pulak tu. Dia tanya lagi,’Adik ni mai dari Penang ka?’ Aku jawab, ‘Ya, kakak ni orang mana?’ Dia pun jawab sambil tersengeh,’Kak orang Penang gak, Tasik Gelugoq. Kak dok sini, kawin orang sini, husband kak kerja sini jugak.

Aku pun tergelak sama sambil memohon maaf. ‘Sori ah kak, tadi tu saya terlebih cakap ar, emosyenal’
‘Takpa adik, kak rasa seronok dengar adik berleter cakap Penang. Dah lama kak tak dengaq orang maki lagu tu. Adik ni memang terer maki la. Sekali bahasa cina, tamil, omputeh semua ada’. ‘Hahahaha.. dia tergelak. Aku pun ikut gelak.

Morale of the story:
Tempat jatuh lagi dikenang, inikan pula tanah tempat di lahirkan.